My Childhood, Day Four: Romancing "Ratatouille"

*I have decided to dedicate this week (one blog entry a day) to a revisiting of my favorite and most memorable aspects from childhood. Whether they were manifested in cartoons, films, or television shows, their memories have continued to stay with me, even long after I got older and abandoned them for other "mature" forms of entertainment. This is not to say that they have shaped or changed my life in dramatic ways, but they have served as feel-good reminders for the simple, good ol' days. It's not bad to reminisce, not at all, and I think that it is important to do so. Nostalgia, I believe, is like meditation: simplifying complicated matters in adulthood into a single breath of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

I love French culture.

I love food.

I don't like rats.

But I like "Ratatouille."

Disney Pixar's 2007 film, "Ratatouille," came out when I was well into my teens. But I still consider this my childhood, because, well, I was under 18 and I still had that innocent, wide-eyed wonder for all things Pixar.

Note: This is not to say that I am completely disenchanted with the company. I still like Pixar, but I have been disappointed by some of its films in the recent years. After "Toy Story 3" in 2010, it has just been let-downs: "Cars 2" in 2011, "Brave" in 2012, and "Monsters University" this year. I blame the company for running out of ideas, thus resorting to either previous, successful works or generic, hackneyed endings (like the case with "Brave").

But I'm not here today to discuss the quality of Pixar films. I'm here to discuss my love for "Ratatouille."

I think I've seen the film around 10 times so far. But it never gets old. There's always something new to notice, whether it's the quirks of the characters or the Paris scenery. But most of the time, I just sit back and immerse myself into this incredible world of France and gastronomy. Better yet, French gastronomy.

Actual ratatouille

The film is a cute play-on a popular so-called "peasant dish," considering that the lead character is a rat (get it? "RAT-atouille?"). Yet, by taking Remy, the rat, and making him a fabulous cook, is ingenious. Because first of all, real-life rats are not that cute, nor are they anthropomorphic. They are also garbage-diggers and vermin, eating the scraps from leftovers behind the restaurant and swarming in groups in and out of pipes and sewers. Gross. I am afraid of rats.

But I'm not afraid of Remy. In fact, I adore him. As an audience member, I sympathized with him, as well as his family. They hoard food from trashcans in order to survive, which can represent a reflection of our own lower-class in today's society: hoarding "crap" food in contrast to the gluttony of upper-class fine-dining.

Fish bones or foie gras. 

You choose. 

Additionally, Remy is an unexpected hero, an accidental one, even. All he cares for is cooking, but he happened to stumble upon an opportunity (thanks to the stringy busboy Linguini) that made him a star. A star as bright as the ones that burn on top of Restaurant Gusteau. Regardless of the fact that he comes from a low, undesirable rung in the social ladder, Remy is able to break tradition and furthermore break the glass ceiling. Or, in his case, break old lady's window pane.

One thing that Pixar has managed to be consistent with (unlike the consistency of its films) is the scenery in the film. You also see that in the company's other works: the green, rolling hills of Scotland in "Brave," the lush, starry galaxy in "Wall*E," and the vast, blue ocean floor in "Finding Nemo." Therefore, you truly receive a visual feast (pun intended) from the Parisian streets in "Ratatouille." It comes down to the details, from "les pétits magasins" in the neighborhoods to the quaint, cobblestone roads that Linguini bikes on to the breathtaking views of the Eiffel Tower and the Seine River. As Remy would put it: "Pure. Poetry."

Food and France. Those two words seem to pair well perfectly. How Remy engages in culinary talk, proposing dishes and gathering the freshest herbs for the best-tasting omelette as Camille serenades us with "Le Festin" in the background. It is adorably charming and romantic at the same time. I even bought the song for my iPod.

Yet, while I harbor so many feelings for this film, other people do not seem to agree. At least, not as much. "Ratatouille" has been ranked between #4 and #9, out of the 14 films released so far, by movie-critic websites like Disney Movies Guide, Entertainment Weekly, and IGN. Not even in the Top 3. Never number one. Deeper works like "Wall*E" and nostalgic, bittersweet stories like "Up" and "Toy Story 3" continue to dominate the coveted Top 3 places interchangeably. Don't get me wrong, those films were great. But I wasn't charmed as much as I was with "Ratatouille." Heck, I didn't even shed a tear at the presumed tear-jerkers: "Up" and "Toy Story 3!" What makes "Ratatouille" stand out from those films was that it had texture: socially, culturally, and culinary.

Even years later, "Ratatouille" continues to charm me, as well as revitalize my ability to dream big. Too often I fall into ruts of cynicism and realism, choosing to anticipate the consequences instead of envisioning the possibilities. There is a difference between the two. In other words, the film reminds me that it is okay to be a dreamer and, with faith and effort, it will come true.

From the wise words of Gusteau: "Your only limit is your soul...anyone can cook."

My Childhood, Day Three: The Magic of Miyazaki Films

*I have decided to dedicate this week (one blog entry a day) to a revisiting of my favorite and most memorable aspects from childhood. Whether they were manifested in cartoons, films, or television shows, their memories have continued to stay with me, even long after I got older and abandoned them for other "mature" forms of entertainment. This is not to say that they have shaped or changed my life in dramatic ways, but they have served as feel-good reminders for the simple, good ol' days. It's not bad to reminisce, not at all, and I think that it is important to do so. Nostalgia, I believe, is like meditation: simplifying complicated matters in adulthood into a single breath of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

What makes Hayao Miyazaki's films so appealing? That's what ran through my head as I was writing this blog. Often times, I have difficulty describing Miyazaki's style, because he has produced so many diverse movies since his directorial debut in 1979. They seem to be filled with contradictions: they are anime, but not necessarily complete kid's affairs. The scenic backgrounds are beautifully illustrated, but the villains are made grotesque with greed, selfishness, and contempt. 

Aha.
 I think I found the answer to my question.

It is the nuances found in the films' stories: not everything is in black and white, good versus evil. Rather, it is the blending of the two, into grey hues, some lighter or darker than others in terms of issues addressed. Miyazaki takes his audiences into alternate universes that are filled with elements of the fantastical, but are also surprisingly relevant and accessible to our own world: timeless in its setting, nostalgic and progressive at the same time. The director enjoys finding the truth behind contradictions- about the environment, politics, and sexuality. Simply put, Miyazaki loves paradoxes. 

My fascination with Hayao Miyazaki's films continues to this day, but my initial interest began when I was ten, when I was first introduced to "Castle in the Sky." I fell in love with the film, even though it was dubbed in English (which surprisingly I found not bad!). For the next three years, I scoured Blockbuster for his other works, including "Kiki's Delivery Service," "Princess Mononoke," "Spirited Away," "The Cat Returns," and "Howl's Moving Castle." While I have not seen all of his movies, the ones that I did watch stirred feelings in my eleven, twelve-year-old self, albeit new and different reactions each time. I was charmed by "Spirited Away." I was appalled by "Princess Mononoke." I was actually bored by "Kiki's Delivery Service" (I'm sorry, but it's true!). Hayao Miyazaki really knew how to pull at my heart-strings while at the same time address larger, more broader issues about the world, including environmentalism, socialism, and feminism. Such issues are embedded in the films, subtly enough in that they do not preach nor detract from the stories' motifs of fantasy and childhood-like wonder. Like the characters Pazu and Sheeta from "Castle in the Sky," I was blown away by Laputa, with its towering castle-ruins floating in the air and the civilization of the intimidating, but kind-hearted robots. Miyazaki truly created escapist films, transporting me to the past, the future, or to indefinite space.

My most favorite films are particularly from Studio Ghibli, which was established by Miyazaki. This includes "Castle in the Sky" and "Spirited Away," the latter which had won "Best Animated Feature" in 2003. Perhaps it was because I had watched them in sequence, back-to-back, when I was around twelve, but the two displayed similarities to each other. For one thing, the protagonists are children, and were around my age when I first watched the movies. Both films had elements of fantasy, with the floating castle in the sky in the former feature and the "Alice in Wonderland"-esque setting in the latter. They also shared a common theme of friendship, the strong bond that two characters establish as they deal with and solve conflicts throughout the story. I adore these films.

Yet, I have not seen all of Miyazaki's films, including the every-salient "My Neighbor Totoro." I am also interested in "Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind;" the cinematography looks absolutely gorgeous. It is never too late to do so, though. Revisiting childhood pleasures does not stagnate growth; rather, they cultivate it, refreshing us on how we used to be- simple, fearless, and dreamers- and inspiring us to strive for that very same simplicity, amid the intimidating, complicated world.

"The creation of a single world comes from a huge number of fragments and chaos"

-Hayao Miyazaki

My Childhood, Day Two: Lessons That I Learned From Disney Channel

*I have decided to dedicate this week (one blog entry a day) to a revisiting of my favorite and most memorable aspects from childhood. Whether they were manifested in cartoons, films, or television shows, their memories have continued to stay with me, even long after I got older and abandoned them for other "mature" forms of entertainment. This is not to say that they have shaped or changed my life in dramatic ways, but they have served as feel-good reminders for the simple, good ol' days. It's not bad to reminisce, not at all, and I think that it is important to do so. Nostalgia, I believe, is like meditation: simplifying complicated matters in adulthood into a single breath of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

Ah, Disney Channel...

The programs on this ubiquitous channel have received a lot of smack since its establishment in 1983: as a hub for bad acting, hackneyed plots, child exploitation, and for tabloid messes that the actors and actress experience once they "graduate" from the Disney world (including, but not limited to, Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, and Miley Cyrus).

I admit, I think the channel has gone to crap in recent years (more on that later). But, there was a time when Disney Channel was actually decent, if not good. Its shows instilled life lessons, without being too corny and the characters were well-written role models for preteens and adolescents, all being balanced out with just the right amount of slapstick and dialogue humor. There was nuance to it.

Although the channel has existed long before I was born, I am going to describe the shows that I grew up watching. The good ones. Specifically, it is the period between 2004 and 2008, when I was less cynical at everything. Let's bounce.

Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004)

From what I can remember, this was the first show that introduced me to Disney Channel. Although I started watching it when the series was just ending, the channel continued broadcasting reruns for the next few years. The format of the show was distinctive in that it combined live-action with animation, the latter which represented the thoughts and conscious of the titular character. My god, Hilary Duff was so young when she debuted. While her acting was less to be desired, her character was both an archetype and a role model for tween girls. She's shy (but dreams of being popular at school), a self-proclaimed "straight-B student," and all-around a typical teenager just struggling to find her niche. Tweens resonate with her character, because they see a bit of themselves in her: learning, making mistakes, but growing up just the same. Additionally, I adored "The Lizzie McGuire Movie:" it was cheesy as hell (c'mon, she becomes a pop singer while on vacation in Rome?), but it was so entertaining. The soundtrack isn't half-bad, either.

Phil of the Future (2004-2006)

"He's the twenty-second century man!" Man, was that opening tune groovy. It was a good show, despite it being short-lived. Like "Lizzie McGuire," there was no laugh-track, which meant that I didn't have to be forced to laugh at the jokes- it just came naturally. Simply put, "Phil of the Future" was transcending. And I'm not saying it in a dramatic, metaphorically way. In fact, I mean it literally, about time. The show also taught good values to children, about dealing with family issues, fitting in at school, and establishing friendships, regardless of whether you live in the present, or, in Phil's case, the future. Even the futuristic gadgets say something about our world: even with the immense amount of technology pervading society today, there isn't a device that can teach you how to grow up, how to love people despite their background or level of intelligence. That comes with experience. And *spoiler alert! although Phil and the Diffys do return to their time at the end of the series, the amount of information that they discovered about the 21st century is indispensable. Plus, Ricky Ullman was quite a looker... ;)

That's So Raven (2003-2007)

Forget "Mean Girls." "That's So Raven" had some of the best quotable lines and catchphrases during its 65-episode-plus run. "Ya nasty," "How y'all doin'?," and, of course, the famous "Oh, snap!" Raven Symone was KILLING it on this show, with her outrageous, but endearing antics. She had sass, both in outfits and attitude, unlike other lead characters from other shows, who suffered from general blandness. And if you want to get into the politics of this show, you can also make the argument that "That's So Raven" was one of the first Disney Channel shows which had a primarily African-American cast. It is also interesting to note that the Baxters (as Raven's family was called in the show) were of middle-class and growing up in San Francisco. It is reminiscent of "The Cosby Show," which depicted a middle to upper-class African-American family and interestingly was where Raven Symone got her acting break. Besides being just another coming-of-age teen sitcom, "That's So Raven" also brought in supernatural elements, particularly the titular character's ability to see the future. The fact that Raven was able to predict the future, as well as her efforts (and failure) to stop it from happening demonstrates the futility of striving for idealism. Indeed, being psychic is a gift and a curse. Although I think that the quality of the show declined a bit towards the end of its run, "That's So Raven" continues to charm me with its dynamic cast of characters (gotta love Chelsea, Cory, and Eddie) and its silly, slapstick humor.

As I grew older and these mentioned series ended, I became attuned to the juvenile aspects of the new shows. Yes, I know that Disney Channel is geared towards a young audience, but what I mean about "juvenile" is that the shows grew dependent on already-used formulas and trite humor. They still taught moral lessons, but with less focus. Instead, the shows focused more on appealing to preteen girls, and a specific demographic as well: the girly, fashionable, wannabe popstars kind. You didn't see the female leads express interest in science, math, or even school in general (the school just became a backdrop for all of the drama to happen). Even those who were "tomboy" were stripped down to supporting roles. Males were also underrepresented on these shows: the ratio of leads for girls and boys was commonly 2:1 (with the exception being "Wizards of Waverly Place" and "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"). 

The shows that ran between 2005 and 2007- "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody," "Hannah Montana," and "Wizards of Waverly Place- were decent, at least from the beginning. They still engaged in slapstick humor and life lessons. But somewhere along the way, something soured. Maybe the producers got too comfortable with the show, and as a result suffered from formulaic productions. The characters became more annoying, bratty, and the jokes were too forced and unfunny. I pretty much stopped watching the channel altogether after "Sonny with a Chance" aired; by then, I couldn't handle the "fakeness."

Recently, I decided to revisit the channel. From what I know, the current popular shows now on air include "Shake It Up!," "Austin and Ally," and "Jessie." I watched an episode of "Shake It Up!" and, well, that was twenty-three minutes of my life that I can't get back now. Maybe it's the fact that the child actors and actresses are younger than me, but I was appalled at 1) the horrible acting, 2) the character's outfits (not sleazy or anything, but I don't think typical twelve-year-olds wear elevated heels on a daily basis), and 3) the story concepts. Because all that the shows are now are about chasing your dreams through being a singer/dancer/fashionista/actress/etc. The message is kind of limiting, by teaching young female viewers that those are the only options you have in order to be successful in life. This is not to say that Disney Channel should encourage girls to become astrophysicists or lawyers (not a bad idea, though), but at least "shake it up" in terms of originality.

Overall, I have mixed feelings about the channel. But it was a big part of my childhood, and I do miss the shows that it used to have. The memories will live on, the good and the bad.

My Childhood, Day One: Pokémon and the Merits from "Catch(ing) 'Em All"

Happy September!

*I have decided to dedicate this week (one blog entry a day) to a revisiting of my favorite and most memorable aspects from childhood. Whether they were manifested in cartoons, films, or television shows, their memories have continued to stay with me, even long after I got older and abandoned them for other "mature" forms of entertainment. This is not to say that they have shaped or changed my life in dramatic ways, but they have served as feel-good reminders for the simple, good ol' days. It's not bad to reminisce, not at all, and I think that it is important to do so. Nostalgia, I believe, is like meditation: simplifying complicated matters in adulthood into a single breath of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

"I Choose You!"

For those who do not know what Pokémon is (c'mon, who doesn't know?!), it is a multimedia franchise that was established in 1996 by the Japanese video game company Nintendo. It is one of most successful and lucrative brands in the world, spawning a multitude of video games, anime, graphic novels, and collectible toys, to name a few.

*Disclaimer: if you think that this is a blog on the politics of Pokémon, you're dead wrong. I am aware that there are other sites dedicated to exploiting the capitalism, the poach-like domestication of the "monsters," and the controversies from the anime series of this ubiquitous franchise, but I am not going into that. Why? For one thing, that shit's already been written. And also, I am writing from the introspection of my child self, so no cynicism (at least for this post). If you want to read about the franchise's critiques, either check out the Wikipedia page or click here:

 http://www.screwattack.com/news/pokemon-world-political-structure

I first began my affair with Pokémon when I was around eight, watching the epic adventures of Ash Ketchum and his bamf sidekick Pikachu take the Kanto region by storm in the English-dubbed anime. I would look forward to coming home from school everyday, to see what this dynamic duo was up to next: were they going to battle another gym leader? Would they foil another scheme from Team Rocket? I watched all of the episodes from the first season, and the second, and the third as well. I even watched the first few movies (Mewtwo Strikes Back, The Power of One, Spell of the Unown, up until Jirachi Wish Maker). I still remember all of the first 150 original Pokémon, that is, from the first season, as well as the ones from the Johto and Hoenn region.

"Gotta Catch 'Em All!"

I started playing the video games when I was ten, when the Ruby and Sapphire versions came out. I was hooked! Day after day, I would train my Pokémon to the next level, venture to the next gym battle, and earn moniesss! The adventure never ended in this world, well, except when my Gameboy Advance ran out of battery (I know, so old, right?)

Friends have asked me, "Who's your favorite Pokémon?" To be honest, I don't have one. The number of new Pokémon continues to grow and grow with each passing year, each new season. I swear, there's probably over a thousand of them by now, and I don't even know half of them anymore (I stopped keeping track after Hoenn). They are all awesome, with their own quirks and bad-assery. 

However, I have always had a penchant for Grass-type Pokémon. Take, for instance, the original starter Pokémon, Bulbasaur. I don't know about you, but in the English-dubbed anime, he (she?) had this sort of...moody, serious attitude that I could relate to (I felt like that our personalities were similar), unlike the hapless Charmander or cocky Squirtle. Plus, he (she?), to some critics, was not "as cute" as the other starter Pokémon, with his/her stoutness, downward-turned red eyes, and fat bulb on his/her back that resemble a festering plant-sore. Plus, his/her evolutions (Ivysaur, Venusaur) weren't as attractive. But that's debatable. Personally, I see Bulbasaur as someone who's misunderstood; in the anime, he/she had been abandoned like a lost puppy, and it took time before he/she could regain trust from Trainers, particularly Ash. Bulbasaur kind of grows on you, the longer you watch him/her progress in the series.

Another Grass-type Pokémon I have a bias towards is Treecko, and his evolutions (I'm going to call Treecko a male, 'cause it's easier and I've always associated him as a male). Like Bulbasaur, he has these freakishly-large, downward-turned eyes that penetrate your soul with brazen coolness. Treecko is so...cool. With that leaf in his mouth, his "I-don't-give-a-damn" attitude about the world...yeah. He's just awesome. Plus, as a Sceptile, his "Leaf Blade" move just KILLS.

Treecko

Sceptile

Grovyle

Other notable, non-Grass-type Pokémon that I have inclinations for:

Slowking; although I think his previous evolution, Slowpoke, as well as the alternative Slowbro, are just idiotic, this dude is smart! I don't know what toxins are injected into his brain from that Shellder, but he knows how to communicate with humans AND Pokémon! If I didn't know any better, he's a linguist for both parties.

Absol, 'cause he/she consists of both cute and cool, traits that I didn't know could exist simultaneously. Absol is that exception. The blade-thing on his/her head is stunning as well.

Mewtwo. Such a sexy beast. Enough said.

It has been several years since I've played or watched Pokémon. My commitment to the franchise tapered off when I hit high school, then college. Sometimes, whenever it airs on Cartoon Network, I watch it. But the magic seems to have worn off; it no longer excites me. Through my now-adult eyes, the adventures seem trite and repetitive, the plot is predictable, and the new characters do not appear as appealing. Maybe it's true that the quality has diminished over time, but still: it's a shame that I cannot feel what I used to feel about it anymore.

This has left me wondering: do I still have my Pokémon collectibles? It has been so long; I used to have three boxes worth of miniature collectibles; my sister and I used to play with them when we were younger, pretending that we were in the Pokémon World squaring off against each other. I'm guessing that they are in the garage. Perhaps I'll venture into the dusty abyss and restore them to their former glory. Someday.

P.S. Herman Cain, a Republican candidate for the 2012 presidential election, quoted Pokémon from one of his speeches. Specifically, it comes from the song "The Power of One" from the movie "Pokémon 2000." Here is the video where he says it:

http://youtu.be/5WgY2XjV6GI

Eat My Asphalt: Ten Drivers That I Dislike

After driving for several years now, I have come to notice the little things while in the car: the sunlight's cruel glare in front of my fragile eyes as I am attempting to maneuver a U-turn, the almost sub-threshold hum of the car engine, and the subtle pressure on the gas pedal that makes a difference between a legal and an illegal speed limit.

EEK!

Driving both thrills and terrifies me. It's a nuanced concept that I closely associate with other subtleties like bungee jumping, rave concerts, and decadent desserts. Pleasurable, yet also potentially dangerous. Booking it just as the stoplight is about to turn red, cruising fast along an empty street early in the morning- that is where it is at. Not as pretty, however, are the collisions, the paperwork involved, and- most annoying- the assholes who make such possibilities a reality.

Don't get me wrong: not all of these drivers are out to spite others. Some have their reasons, although rather lame ones. But for those who think that they are the shit, EAT MY ASPHALT! More like "shit of the road."

I have put together a list of the ten drivers that I have encountered in my experiences while on the road. I have also rated them on level of "middle-fingerness," 1 being "eh, I'll let you go" to 3 ("Whatthefuck, man?!"). Also, "10" is a specific number that I chose to give myself a limit on just how many assholes that I can list. Trust me, there are more.

1. "The Drifter"

I may be slightly anal-retentive for this category of drivers, but it irks me when drivers don't drive straight down the middle of their line. Some veer too far to the left, some too far to the right. And that poses a threat to my security and my personal cruising space. I'll be trying to pass a car on my left, and praying that the side mirrors don't hit each other. Annoying, but it's whatever. After all, it is not fair to assume that they have an eye for perfection. 

Rating: 

2. The Slow-Poke

Now, this group covers a variety of drivers, including the elderly, the indecisive, and the lost souls. First, get this straight: I do not hate elderly people; many are endearing, wonderful characters. Rather, I hate their driving. Come on, we're in a 35 mph zone, and you are going...10 miles?! Frankly, I think there is an increased likelihood of getting into an accident driving this slow than from going five or ten miles over the speed limit. Just go with the flow of the traffic, Ma'am (or Mister). 

As for the indecisive: MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND! Do you want to turn left or right? Change lanes or stay in the current one? To go or not to go, that is the question. Just don't get me involved in the decision-making process (trust me, you would not want to...).

And finally, for those of you who are lost: GET. A. GPS. Gracious, even Google Map. Isn't technology wonderful?

Rating: 

...Which leads me to my next bane...

3. Text-Messagers

In general, I dislike text-messaging when users abuse the service. This applies to non-driving moments as well: I will be hanging out with someone outside on a beautiful day, having an actual (not virtual!) conversation, but all the person does is look at his or her phone, replying with non-verbal nonsense like "Mmhm," or "Mm." Seriously, I just want to grab that mobile device and chuck it out onto the street to be flatten by the next moving vehicle. Serves you right for ignoring me. Bastard.

Okay, I digress. Back to the driving. First of all, you should not be texting and driving at the same time. Haven't you heard the laws outlawing the practice? The horrifying statistics of people involved in accidents and killed because of it? What further pisses me off is when I'm at the stoplight, and this driver in front of me is checking his or her phone, not aware that the green light has been on for a while now. HOOOOONNNK! I promise you, the phone can wait. Driving can not.

Rating: 

4. Anti Stop-Sign Drivers

It was blatantly clear that I stopped first at the stop sign. A good 80 milliseconds before. Even the pedestrian who was about to cross your intersection saw it. And I start to inch forward...

What the heck?! You take off, and the pedestrian is reeling on his or her soles to avoid getting hit. Did you not see that I was there first? Did you not see that stop sign, its red frame and eight-pointed sides glaring for you to S-T-O-P?

I was there first, Bro!

Alas, I suppose that it's petty to hold grudges, especially that there are a million more stop signs to encounter ahead.

Rating: 

5. The Cock-Blocker

By all means, this is not about those who engage in sex-obstructing acts against their peers. No, this is for those who literally block two lanes when we're at the stoplight. The driver just happens to want to switch lanes- in the middle of traffic! What a cock. *clucks tongue in disapproval.

Rating: 

6. Music Thugs

According to the Center of Disease Control, the percentage of those with noise-induced hearing impairment, especially among youth, ranges between twelve to seventeen percent. Although that does not seem like a lot of people, the number will increase if people keep blasting music at 130 decibels in the car. Especially if it is not even good music. It is fine if you don't give a damn about what other people think of your personal tastes in music, be it gangsta rap, country, or house music. But you will certainly be getting crap when your fellow drivers give you death glares and the police cites you for the excessive volume. Keep your personal (listening) space to yourself.

Rating: 

7. Motorcyclists

I think that motorcycles are death vehicles. You are basically going fifty, sixty mph, sans seat belt, sans protection. I hate them. They are like loud and obnoxious children who want the whole world to know that they are here. Figuratively, they cry for attention. Motorcycles should not exist, period. That way, we would have less douchebags on the road. Ah, motorcyclists: traveling in packs and filling the street with your wailing engines. Squeezing through spaces between cars just because you can. Wearing leather in the hot-traffic heat and sporting dinky helmets that wouldn't even save your life if it tried. Enjoy the thrill while it lasts, but don't regret it when you wreck yourself.

Rating: 

8. Taillight-Blind Drivers

Uh...where are your headlights? More specifically, do they even work? Here I am, trying to guesstimate when I should be stopping behind you, because YOU ARE NOT GIVING ME ANY SIGNAL! Hellooooo...get your taillights fixed, or else I will be living in fear of rear-ending your sorry ass.

Rating: 

9. Turn Signal Miser

Similar to taillights, I expect turn signals to blink when you are preparing to change lanes or streets.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! You just cut me off! Without any warning! A common move that has induced the most mild-mannered drivers into semi-road rage (including me. Don't worry, I'm not usually an angry driver, contrary to this blog rant).

Not only are you asking for an accident, but you are also asking for my middle finger once I get a hold of you. So please: next time, flip that lever and "TICK-TICK" turn.

Rating: 

10. Drop-Offers at the No-Dropping Lane

I'm in the middle of a busy street and you, you gracious bastard, need to get out of the car and unload a shit-ton of items? Drop off several dozen passengers at IHOP? Not only are you wasting time and causing a queue of cars to form behind you, but you are stopping when you are not suppose to. There exists something called "parking lots," you know. You might want to check them out.

Rating: 

Goodness, I'm getting all jittery and agitated just writing this. But in actuality, I am not typically a road rager. Yeah, I mutter expletives when one of the ten drivers listed above are on the road, but usually I just let it go. I don't know the person, and it is likely that I don't see him or her on the road in the future. It's not worth seething over.

Basically, drive safely, be considerate, and don't ride a motorcycle. 'Cause I will death-glare you.

Showing Cleavage...not anymore

*I'm aware that there's a lot of controversy over this subject, as to whether it's acceptable or not, but here's just my opinion. I respect other sides of the debate.

Face it; our society's obsessed with breasts. Women's breasts, that is.

Recently, I've been seeing several music videos that have bared it all.

Literally,
Full nudity.

Remember the not-so-distant days when we restricted thongs and G-strings from getting uploaded to Youtube? That bikinis and Duke shorts were considered "scandalous" during the 1940s and 1970s? Yeah, I don't remember that time, either.

Here are the music videos that have displayed the full package:

http://youtu.be/zwT6DZCQi9k

The first one that I saw was of Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines," featuring Pharrell and T.I. Don't get me wrong: the song's groovy, the song's classy, and I found myself bobbing to the beat. However, my initial reaction to the video was...surprised. I've seen my share of full-frontal nudity in television shows, art, and films, but I was surprised that Youtube, with its policies on "Nudity and Sexual Content," would still accept the video as a form of "educational...artistic" expression. I get that this is the entertainment industry, but objectifying women (while the men are clothed) and dancing to lyrics dehumanizing them as "animals" that the men have "tried to domesticate," implies misogyny. If you want to take it further, the lines "Shake the vibe, get up, get down/Do it like it hurt, like it hurt/What you don't like work?" hints at non-consensual sex, aka rape. According to the FBI's Preliminary Annual Uniform Crime Report in 2012, in the number of rape in U.S. cities, metropolitan and non-metropolitan alike, has increased over 3%. Furthermore, the Bureau of Justice Statistics analyzed that an overwhelming majority of the victims- 91%- are women and a staggering percentage of perpetrators- 99%- are men. This is not an issue to take lightly or even glorify in the entertainment industry, especially when people's lives and bodies are at risk. One last thing: the lyrics "what do they make dreams for/When you got them jeans on," acknowledges superficial beauty, instead of the personality and will of the individual. In a society which prizes physique over psyche, it is a shame that many women choose to follow "them jeans" rather than "dreams." 

Robin, honey, your voice is chocolate silk bourbon to my ears, but please be respectful. What would your wife say about this hot mess?

http://youtu.be/07FYdnEawAQ

Next video that caught me by surprised was Justin Timberlake's "Tunnel Vision." Love Justin, love the song. Still, the nudity: is it necessary? Oh, and the comments are lovely. Some samples:

Gosh, we can't get enough of nipples, can we?

Remember "Nipplegate," Justin? That little accident in 2004 during the Super Bowl halftime show? I know that you didn't mean to do that on live television, but I couldn't help but be reminded of that when I watched "Tunnel Vision."

...and the lyrics. Depending on how you read them, the message can come off as "Aw, that's so sweet, Justin!," or simply, "Creeper." Using cameras, zooming, and the eponymous-titled tunnel vision to relay one's affections for someone is kind of cool, but it's also voyeuristic. And it's illegal to perform voyeurism, considered a second-degree offense in many states. Serenading lines like "my camera lenses only been set to zoom/And it all becomes so clear.../Just like a movie shoot, I'm zooming in on you" sounds endearing, but once backed with the repetitive phrase "I know you like it" makes me pause a bit. "Like" what? Being nude? Being stared at solely for men's pleasure? I'd rather not.

Justin, baby, you're sexy as hell, but that music video was unnecessary. For my eyes and the public's.

I am not disturbed by the fact that the women are showing 100% skin, I am disturbed by the fact that they are being shown on the popular public website known as Youtube, where anyone, from ages 5 to 95, can watch. I know that Internet entertainment has little formal educational value, but to the many young users who access it on a frequent basis, it appears to have a tremendous influence on them. We aren't teaching them math or the ability to think for themselves; we're teaching them that it's okay for women to get naked from time to time for men's gratification. On the other side of the spectrum, I bet that the seniors are facepalming at the sight of what "this generation" (Generation Y) has done to the world. 

Well, what's it going to be next on the horizon for the entertainment industry then? Showing penises? You decide, media.

For those defending these videos as "art" and a "natural" representation of women's beauty, I recommend taking a step back to reflect. Are those bodies full, curvy, multiethnic, athletic, or trim, instead of emaciated and waif-like? Do they represent the "natural" shapes of all different body types of womankind, or are they the stuff of supermodels, an idealism that is rare in achievement? Do they appear to be satisfying the male gaze with their lithe and flirty dancing, or are they honestly just having a good time regardless? Anyway you want it, man.

Final word: bodies are beautiful things, but having a bit of modesty wouldn't hurt.

Response to Samuel Hendrickson's "Why I'd Hate to be Asian"

Ten Reasons Why

On March 7, 2013 Indiana University student Samuel Hendrickson uploaded a video of himself on Youtube, titled "Why I'd Hate to be Asian." In the video, he lists ten (or nine, as he so incorrectly counted) reasons why he hates Asians, basing his arguments on stereotypes, personal beliefs, and un-cited facts. Here are his ten ("nine") reasons:

1) "Most Asians look alike."

Really? The last time I checked, I don't think that I share the same hair color, height, or breast size as my sister, mom, friends, or relatives. And just what kind of "Asian" are you referring to? There are many ethnicities that identify as Asian/Pacific Islander- there's Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Thai, Cambodian, Sri Lankan, Indian, Vietnamese, Nepalese, Burmese, Singaporean, Indonesian, Taiwanese, Malaysian...You're just white, dude.

2) "I don't find Asian women attractive." Well, I don't find you attractive either. 'Nuff said.

Don't say that she doesn't look attractive:

Hah.

3) "Sweatshops. They suck." No duh. So are business meetings, earthquakes, hepatitis B, long waits at the hospital, overpriced sandwich shops, queuing videos, and football.

4) "Chink-eyed."

Mine are 20 millimeters. Top that, bro.

5) Math

You took algebra your senior year? Man, you hella dumb; I'm surprised that you even graduated high school, let alone got accepted into college.

What's so bad about being good at math? Just don't come crying to us when you need help doing your taxes, paying your bills, calculating restaurant tips, etc. (if you can even afford a living with manners like yours)

6) Show-business: either Asians are represented as kung-fu masters or mobsters.

Granted, our world needs a bit of Bruce Lee and John Lone. They'll whoop your ass any day. But you must be blind to the versatility of roles given to us in today's television shows: doctors, musicians, athletes, even as a  partner-in-crime to Sherlock Holmes (Lucy Liu as Watson in "Elementary"). The list of Asian-American celebrities who have hit it big (sans help from the martial arts/mobster roles) could go on: Mindy Kaling, Margaret Cho, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Ryan Higa, Kevin Wu, Clara Chung, Sarah Chang, David So, Joseph Vincent, AJ Rafael, Charice Pempengco...

7) Being "short."

I am proud to say that my mom is a glorious five-seven, and you can't take that away from her. Have you heard of Jeremy Lin? Yao Ming? Did you know that the tallest woman in the world was Chinese? She beat an English person, whoot!

And what's the problem with being short? You look younger, can date people both tall and short, have faster reaction times, and can fit in tighter spaces. My Asian homies are shorter than me, and I find them adorable; being tall, on the other hand, can go one of two different ways- either you look like Gisele Bundchen or you look like Frankenstein. But you, sir, look like a Cromagnon.

This is you.

8) "I hate sushi. Sushi, sushi, sushi."

The whole world doesn't need to know that you hate sushi. If you hate it, then you hate it! Take your own advice and don't repeat it five million times if you can't pronounce it correctly (I heard a "shu-shi." Facepalm.). Practice doesn't always make perfect, you know. Sushi isn't always everyone's cup of tea, but you can't apply sushi to every single Asian dish out there. I'm guessing you know where sushi originated from, right? Ding! That's correct: it originated from Pakistan. Obviously, you haven't tried other awesome Asian dishes; there are some out there that would make your hamburger/soda/corn/fries diet cry and kill itself. And I'm not talking about just rice and orange chicken, I'm talking about niu ro mien, bulgogi, samosa, and bahn mi.

Chew on this.

8) (obviously, you can't count. Refer to point #5) There are 3 parts to this point:

#1 "Schools don't accept [Asian males] any more than the white males."

Which schools? The schools that foolishly let your sorry ass in? I don't know so. Statistically speaking, Asian Americans account for only 5-6% of the U.S. population (in contrast with 72% of white Americans), so that being said, Asian Americans are likely to be underrepresented at many colleges (well, maybe not colleges in Southern California...).

However, Mr. Hendrickson, I find your ridiculous claim refreshing; most white guys like you would be complaining about the perversion of Asian Americans at their school (that's what she said. And yes, I'm talking about you, Alexandra Wallace). With that, I thank you for your originality.

#2 "Asian males are not good in the bedroom."

Listen up: race does NOT correlate with penis size! There have been studies that have proven it. Maybe if you didn't waste five minutes of your useless life ranting about Asian men having one-inch schlongs, then maybe you could have looked up some of those studies. Beats doing math, doesn't it?

#3 "...but Asian women are."

At this point, I was almost ready to kick my foot through the computer screen. Not only are you playing on racial prejudices, but you're also falling into gender stereotypes. Good for you, for praising our prowess in bed- I'm just assuming that you or your white peers aren't. Or maybe you're just a huge dick and that no one wants to bed (pun intended).

Finally!
9) Asian entertainment blur their porn.

...

I'm not going to answer that.

Thank you for hearing my rant. I know that this is a controversial subject, and that my opinions may not be in agreement with others, but I don't mean any harm towards Mr. Hendrickson. He's just misunderstood, and I hope that we Asians can use our awesome kung-fu skills to bash his head *ERM educate him and others about our said awesomeness.

Finally, thanks to David So for the Cromagnon joke.