Thursday, May 2, 2013

Response to Samuel Hendrickson's "Why I'd Hate to be Asian"

Ten Reasons Why

On March 7, 2013 Indiana University student Samuel Hendrickson uploaded a video of himself on Youtube, titled "Why I'd Hate to be Asian." In the video, he lists ten (or nine, as he so incorrectly counted) reasons why he hates Asians, basing his arguments on stereotypes, personal beliefs, and un-cited facts. Here are his ten ("nine") reasons:

1) "Most Asians look alike."

Really? The last time I checked, I don't think that I share the same hair color, height, or breast size as my sister, mom, friends, or relatives. And just what kind of "Asian" are you referring to? There are many ethnicities that identify as Asian/Pacific Islander- there's Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Thai, Cambodian, Sri Lankan, Indian, Vietnamese, Nepalese, Burmese, Singaporean, Indonesian, Taiwanese, Malaysian...You're just white, dude.






2) "I don't find Asian women attractive." Well, I don't find you attractive either. 'Nuff said.

Don't say that she doesn't look attractive:


Hah.


3) "Sweatshops. They suck." No duh. So are business meetings, earthquakes, hepatitis B, long waits at the hospital, overpriced sandwich shops, queuing videos, and football.

4) "Chink-eyed."

Mine are 20 millimeters. Top that, bro.

5) Math

You took algebra your senior year? Man, you hella dumb; I'm surprised that you even graduated high school, let alone got accepted into college.

What's so bad about being good at math? Just don't come crying to us when you need help doing your taxes, paying your bills, calculating restaurant tips, etc. (if you can even afford a living with manners like yours)

6) Show-business: either Asians are represented as kung-fu masters or mobsters.

Granted, our world needs a bit of Bruce Lee and John Lone. They'll whoop your ass any day. But you must be blind to the versatility of roles given to us in today's television shows: doctors, musicians, athletes, even as a  partner-in-crime to Sherlock Holmes (Lucy Liu as Watson in "Elementary"). The list of Asian-American celebrities who have hit it big (sans help from the martial arts/mobster roles) could go on: Mindy Kaling, Margaret Cho, Sandra Oh, Daniel Dae Kim, Ryan Higa, Kevin Wu, Clara Chung, Sarah Chang, David So, Joseph Vincent, AJ Rafael, Charice Pempengco...

7) Being "short."

I am proud to say that my mom is a glorious five-seven, and you can't take that away from her. Have you heard of Jeremy Lin? Yao Ming? Did you know that the tallest woman in the world was Chinese? She beat an English person, whoot!

And what's the problem with being short? You look younger, can date people both tall and short, have faster reaction times, and can fit in tighter spaces. My Asian homies are shorter than me, and I find them adorable; being tall, on the other hand, can go one of two different ways- either you look like Gisele Bundchen or you look like Frankenstein. But you, sir, look like a Cromagnon.

This is you.

8) "I hate sushi. Sushi, sushi, sushi."

The whole world doesn't need to know that you hate sushi. If you hate it, then you hate it! Take your own advice and don't repeat it five million times if you can't pronounce it correctly (I heard a "shu-shi." Facepalm.). Practice doesn't always make perfect, you know. Sushi isn't always everyone's cup of tea, but you can't apply sushi to every single Asian dish out there. I'm guessing you know where sushi originated from, right? Ding! That's correct: it originated from Pakistan. Obviously, you haven't tried other awesome Asian dishes; there are some out there that would make your hamburger/soda/corn/fries diet cry and kill itself. And I'm not talking about just rice and orange chicken, I'm talking about niu ro mien, bulgogi, samosa, and bahn mi.

Chew on this.


8) (obviously, you can't count. Refer to point #5) There are 3 parts to this point:

#1 "Schools don't accept [Asian males] any more than the white males."

Which schools? The schools that foolishly let your sorry ass in? I don't know so. Statistically speaking, Asian Americans account for only 5-6% of the U.S. population (in contrast with 72% of white Americans), so that being said, Asian Americans are likely to be underrepresented at many colleges (well, maybe not colleges in Southern California...).

However, Mr. Hendrickson, I find your ridiculous claim refreshing; most white guys like you would be complaining about the perversion of Asian Americans at their school (that's what she said. And yes, I'm talking about you, Alexandra Wallace). With that, I thank you for your originality.

#2 "Asian males are not good in the bedroom."

Listen up: race does NOT correlate with penis size! There have been studies that have proven it. Maybe if you didn't waste five minutes of your useless life ranting about Asian men having one-inch schlongs, then maybe you could have looked up some of those studies. Beats doing math, doesn't it?

#3 "...but Asian women are."

At this point, I was almost ready to kick my foot through the computer screen. Not only are you playing on racial prejudices, but you're also falling into gender stereotypes. Good for you, for praising our prowess in bed- I'm just assuming that you or your white peers aren't. Or maybe you're just a huge dick and that no one wants to bed (pun intended).

Finally!
9) Asian entertainment blur their porn.

...

I'm not going to answer that.

Thank you for hearing my rant. I know that this is a controversial subject, and that my opinions may not be in agreement with others, but I don't mean any harm towards Mr. Hendrickson. He's just misunderstood, and I hope that we Asians can use our awesome kung-fu skills to bash his head *ERM educate him and others about our said awesomeness.

Finally, thanks to David So for the Cromagnon joke.