Why I Rather Not on Halloween

It's the last day of October, and what better way to celebrate the beginning of the cold, autumn-winter season with Halloween?

Not me.

As a child, I did not particularly enjoy Halloween. It wasn't that I hated it; I just never understood why people would put all of that effort into costumes, decorating houses, and trick-or-treating. Specifically, I did not understand why people would go through all of that money for a single night of the year.

I remember during elementary school we were obligated to dress up and parade around the school grounds with our teachers and classmates. Instead of being fun, it was stressful: not only I did not have ideas for who I wanted to be, but also the trouble of buying the costume, which was probably going to be too small for me to wear for the next Halloween. My Tigger costume at age six definitely did not fit me at age seven. I was a growing kid, all right?!

Also, trick-or-treating has got to be one of the most inane things that I did as a kid. I like candy, but the fact that I had to go out at night to some stranger's house to demand candy seemed like extortion. Weird as it sounds, I felt uncomfortable announcing "trick-or-treat" at the doorstep. Afterwards, I would come home and end up wasting 90 percent of the candy, because I didn't even like most of them. I remember that I would only save the Reese's cups, Kit-Kats, Twix, and Crunch bars, and throw away the rest (after, like, a month of being in the cabinet. Gross.).

One neighbor in particular once gave me a bag of popcorn. Unopened, not popped. I was, like, WTF?! Talk about laaame.

On the flip side, as I grew older and stopped trick-or-treating, I detested answering the door for trick-or-treaters. The worst part was that some came in packs, droves of tiny five-year-olds in princess and Batman costumes. It took forever to get them off the porch. Some were even rude, saying things like, "I don't like that candy," implying that I should give them some other brand. Sweetie, I spent 20 bucks on this generic, mass-produced junk. The fact that I used my own money to please your princess ass should mean something. So take the goddamn candy! Maybe this is why I am so bitter today...

I also remember some high schoolers "trick-or-treating." They didn't even dress up and demanded candy! Their smug, laughing faces as I tossed a Hershey square or candy corn into their school backpacks pissed me off so much. God, I hate children. By the 10th grade, I had locked the gates of my house and turned off all the lights to show that no one was welcomed. Too bad, kids.

Granted, one could see Halloween as a day for the community to come together and get acquainted with each other. One could see Halloween as a day for self-expression, donning fabulous and extravagant costumes to show off one's artistic flair. One could view Halloween as a day for "free" candy, as well as a boon to our economy.

Yet, one could see Halloween as a fetishization of death, instilling the concept of murder and fear in people's minds, as blatantly depicted in the numerous slasher-horror films that come out on this day. One could see Halloween as an opportunity to get drunk and vandalize the neighborhood, which is ironic considering that October is "Safety Awareness Month." One could also view Halloween as a huge waste of money, for a single night of carousing in the dark.

Happy Halloween, or not.

Racial Implications and Other Issues Addressed in Alison Gold's "Chinese Food"

Here's the link to the video: http://youtu.be/wWLhrHVySgA

I never thought that I would be this insulted, especially from the music video of a twelve-year-old. 

Well, I have. 

"Chinese Food," which premiered on Youtube on October 15, 2013, stars newcomer Alison Gold singing a song about, who would've thunk, Chinese food. It is produced by Ark Music Factory, the same company who produced the infamous "Friday" back in 2011.

Trust me. If you think that Rebecca Black's music video was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet. 

At least "Friday" kept it universal, celebrating the juvenile antics of the end of the school week by "partyin' partyin'" in a mosh pit with a bunch of other hyperactive preteens and a grown man. It was all "fun fun fun fun." No instances of race. No, not bad at all...

But "Chinese Food...", oh man, where to start...?

Shall we start with the fact that this is a Caucasian girl singing a song about Chinese food? Honestly, is she that obsessed with Asian cuisine? I don't think I've met anyone, even an Asian, who loved it so much that they would write and record a song about it. Unless it was a parody. If you want to see a worthwhile music video, check on Jimmy Wong's "Chinese Food." Link is here: http://youtu.be/NUDsXdgw9Dw

I almost feel bad for this Alison Gold girl; I don't think she even wanted to sing a song about Chinese food. Maybe she would have preferred something much more relevant to her life experiences, like frolicking in the meadows or partying with the "cool kids." Even sing about "Saturday," for Heaven's sake.

Furthermore, what the hell is with the subtitles?! Chinese, French, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, just to name a few. This is about Chinese food, so I can probably understand Chinese subtitles, but what is the purpose of the rest of them? Are you trying to promote racial diversity, Ark Factory? 'Cause mixing subtitles is completely impertinent. IRRELEVANT.

Let's open up with the actual music video: here's Alison, entering a Chinese restaurant, run by an Asian girl who looks no older than she is. Isn't the legal age to work in America sixteen? Talk about child-labor laws.

She sits at the table, with all of the food. She got her "bro-cco-li," her "chic-ken wings" (which look more like regular, American-styled ones), and her "wonton soup" (which she stirs with chopsticks. I would think that it would be easier to eat it with a spoon, but to each their own).

Fortune cookies are not Chinese! They're American. But that's not the main point. Although fortune cookie fortunes are often nonsensical, this particular one, "You will find a new friend," is horrible, because she does find a new friend. And it turns out to be a large pedo-panda bear sitting right behind her, with the fortune "You will find a new friend too." This is prophetical, guys. A frightening one.

And so Alison plays. With her large, pedo-panda bear friend, who unmasks himself as no other than Patrice Wilson, the same guy who rapped in Rebecca Black's "Friday." Now in "Friday," I could be convinced that Wilson was a chauffeur, maybe even a bouncer, for Rebecca's "fun fun fun fun" party, but this time, he pretty much transformed into a pedophile. His sweet-and-sour sauce-stained smile, the fact that he plays tickle with Alison in the meadows, and his presence at a preteen slumber party, just scared the bejeezus out of me.

"Panda Express." No. Just no.

Finally, the conflation between Chinese and Japanese culture manifests itself in the final dance number (which is so pathetically choreographed that I facepalmed). Not only are Alison and the dancers wearing kimonos, which are from Japan, but some of them are in white face and makeup, resembling that of geishas. Also Japanese. Get your cultures straight!

I really hope that this is a joke. This is just too surreal and insulting to even exist. What was Ark Music Factory thinking when they put this out? With all of the horrible music videos produced after the "Friday" fiasco (i.e. "Mass Text," "Asian Girlz"), perhaps the company was trying to piggyback on the success by generating a crappy video that they know is crappy, hoping to rake in the cash. Shame on you.

My Fear

If you think that this entry is a list of quirky or bizarre personal fears, then I politely ask you to go find some other blog to entertain you. Because this is not it.

This idea of expressing an issue that I have been struggling with recently occurred to me Friday night, while alone in my dorm room. In my opinion, the combination of silence and the aesthetics of a single lamp illuminating the pitch-black room works wonders for one's introspection. Add it with some ambient jungle EDM tracks and you got yourself some thinking juice.

I had always been (and still am) that person who does not mind being alone for long periods of time. In fact, I do not mind silence, the fact that I had the room all to myself when my roommates were away. I work well alone, on projects, papers, any schoolwork that I was given. I work out alone, I (often) eat alone.

Alone.

A-lone.

A loner.

To me, these words connote other words. Negative ones. Dark. Bleak. Isolated. Hopeless. Pathetic. As humans, we are suppose to be sociable beings, thriving and developing in the midst of throngs and throngs of people. We are suppose to crave each other's company: love, instead of ambivalence, cuddle, instead of push away.

However, is this biology or sociology speaking? Is there something innate in us or is it a social construct that drives us to seek relationships? Perhaps both? I am not going to answer this, because one, this is not an English class, and two, I don't know.

I see it everywhere, especially as a college student: the first-week-of-school rush to make new friends, dining hall bonding sessions, work-out buddies. Things that, as a returning student, I do not give much of a shit about. Three years at this institution, and I am already jaded and cynical. And I ask myself: why am I like this? Am I suppose to be like this?

For most of my youth, I found it difficult to make new friends. I am a follower, not a leader. I never want my words to be the last  in conversations. In primary school, friendships were so easy to obtain, effortless. Self-consciousness didn't even exist back then; when you see your peers playing in the sandbox, you just join them. No questions asked. They accepted the fact that you joined them. 

Now, instead of having friendships handed to you on a neat, clean platter, you actually have to work for them. Meaning, staying in touch via text, Facebook, instant messaging, and other social media outlets. Making the effort to create events and socials. Actually trying, for a change. Because if you don't, you risk letting go.

It's hypocritical, that I desire these relationships, but that I don't want to try to hold on to them. No, that's a lie. Rephrase: it's hypocritical that I desire these relationships, but that I censor myself from ascertaining them.

WHY?

Well, that's my fear.

I fear rejection. I fear odd looks and things spoken behind my back. "Ooh, she's weird," or "I think I'll avoid her." Yet, I also fear my friendships dying off. From a matter of aspects: time, distance, miscommunication, loss of interests and commonalities. Or the lack thereof.

That is why I felt the need to protect myself. From rejection, from friendships dying off. I act nonchalant, because I don't want to show you that I care. About you, about our relationship. I avoid socials and going out, because I know that they eventually have to end. I think and I imagine and I cry about the possible consequences of my actions. I hold on to my friendships by not appearing to hold on at all.

It's a dead end. I must realize that. I'm still looking and discovering myself in relation to others. Eventually, I may find it, or maybe I won't, ever. But this fear is not going to define me. At least, not forever. As I continue to navigate my twenties and perspectives on college culture, I aspire to overcome it.