Here's the link to the video: http://youtu.be/wWLhrHVySgA
I never thought that I would be this insulted, especially from the music video of a twelve-year-old.
Well, I have.
"Chinese Food," which premiered on Youtube on October 15, 2013, stars newcomer Alison Gold singing a song about, who would've thunk, Chinese food. It is produced by Ark Music Factory, the same company who produced the infamous "Friday" back in 2011.
Trust me. If you think that Rebecca Black's music video was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.
At least "Friday" kept it universal, celebrating the juvenile antics of the end of the school week by "partyin' partyin'" in a mosh pit with a bunch of other hyperactive preteens and a grown man. It was all "fun fun fun fun." No instances of race. No, not bad at all...
But "Chinese Food...", oh man, where to start...?
Shall we start with the fact that this is a Caucasian girl singing a song about Chinese food? Honestly, is she that obsessed with Asian cuisine? I don't think I've met anyone, even an Asian, who loved it so much that they would write and record a song about it. Unless it was a parody. If you want to see a worthwhile music video, check on Jimmy Wong's "Chinese Food." Link is here: http://youtu.be/NUDsXdgw9Dw
I almost feel bad for this Alison Gold girl; I don't think she even wanted to sing a song about Chinese food. Maybe she would have preferred something much more relevant to her life experiences, like frolicking in the meadows or partying with the "cool kids." Even sing about "Saturday," for Heaven's sake.
Furthermore, what the hell is with the subtitles?! Chinese, French, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, just to name a few. This is about Chinese food, so I can probably understand Chinese subtitles, but what is the purpose of the rest of them? Are you trying to promote racial diversity, Ark Factory? 'Cause mixing subtitles is completely impertinent. IRRELEVANT.
Let's open up with the actual music video: here's Alison, entering a Chinese restaurant, run by an Asian girl who looks no older than she is. Isn't the legal age to work in America sixteen? Talk about child-labor laws.
She sits at the table, with all of the food. She got her "bro-cco-li," her "chic-ken wings" (which look more like regular, American-styled ones), and her "wonton soup" (which she stirs with chopsticks. I would think that it would be easier to eat it with a spoon, but to each their own).
Fortune cookies are not Chinese! They're American. But that's not the main point. Although fortune cookie fortunes are often nonsensical, this particular one, "You will find a new friend," is horrible, because she does find a new friend. And it turns out to be a large pedo-panda bear sitting right behind her, with the fortune "You will find a new friend too." This is prophetical, guys. A frightening one.
And so Alison plays. With her large, pedo-panda bear friend, who unmasks himself as no other than Patrice Wilson, the same guy who rapped in Rebecca Black's "Friday." Now in "Friday," I could be convinced that Wilson was a chauffeur, maybe even a bouncer, for Rebecca's "fun fun fun fun" party, but this time, he pretty much transformed into a pedophile. His sweet-and-sour sauce-stained smile, the fact that he plays tickle with Alison in the meadows, and his presence at a preteen slumber party, just scared the bejeezus out of me.
"Panda Express." No. Just no.
Finally, the conflation between Chinese and Japanese culture manifests itself in the final dance number (which is so pathetically choreographed that I facepalmed). Not only are Alison and the dancers wearing kimonos, which are from Japan, but some of them are in white face and makeup, resembling that of geishas. Also Japanese. Get your cultures straight!
I really hope that this is a joke. This is just too surreal and insulting to even exist. What was Ark Music Factory thinking when they put this out? With all of the horrible music videos produced after the "Friday" fiasco (i.e. "Mass Text," "Asian Girlz"), perhaps the company was trying to piggyback on the success by generating a crappy video that they know is crappy, hoping to rake in the cash. Shame on you.
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